Always Good Enough
Earlier this week I attended a graduation ceremony at my alma mater, the University of Adelaide and I was reminded of how education has evolved since my own schooldays. Back then, school reports were handwritten, and teacher comments were often brief with phrases like “must try harder” or “can do better”. While they may have been intended as words of encouragement, it struck me how such feedback might land differently for children who come from trauma-affected backgrounds. For them, those words may not motivate but perhaps reinforce their personal default of “I’m not good enough.”
Childhood trauma, be it from neglect, loss, abuse, or instability, leaves invisible but enduring marks. The child’s developing brain is shaped by their environments and relationships and when the world feels unsafe or unpredictable, survival mechanisms and coping strategies kick in. Hypervigilance, withdrawal, perfectionism, and people-pleasing are just some of the ways children adapt in order to feel a sense of control or protection. But these coping strategies often follow us into adulthood, manifesting in different ways like overworking ourselves to avoid feelings of inadequacy, or struggling to trust others, or being constantly at the ready for rejection from seemingly innocuous comments or feedback, like “must try harder”. This is why a trauma-informed perspective is so important in mental health support. It means understanding that behaviour is often a reflection of someone’s history, not their character, and about asking “What happened to you?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?”
It is never too late to heal, our brains are neuroplastic with an innate capacity for change and growth. Seeking help from a mental health professional can be life changing as psychotherapy provides a space in which to unpack our experiences, make sense of our emotional responses, and learn to develop more adaptive ways of relating to ourselves and others. Whether your trauma is rooted in early life or accumulated over time, remember that you are not alone and you are certainly not broken. And remember the power of language, how we speak to ourselves, and let’s be kind to the child who still lives within each of us.
Mind yourself.
Alan