Anger: Understanding, Recognising, and Healing
I’ve included more bullet points than usual this week in the hope that it will offer better clarity around my chosen topic for this blog, anger. It can be a complex subject with varying opinions on what constitutes anger, but I hope to offer some better understanding of what it is, what it looks like, and what can help.
Anger is a natural human emotion. It can alert us when boundaries are crossed, motivate us to act when something feels unjust, and even protect us from harm. But when anger is unresolved or suppressed, ignored or expressed in harmful ways, it presents a significant challenge in maintaining positive wellbeing, taking its toll both mentally and physically. In psychotherapy, it often emerges as a hidden layer beneath anxiety and depression. Recognising and understanding it is an important first step toward healing, but not all anger looks the same and it can manifest in different ways:
Passive Anger: Expressed indirectly, through sarcasm, avoidance, or silent withdrawal.
Explosive Anger: Sudden, intense outbursts that may feel uncontrollable in the moment.
Chronic Anger: A persistent, long-term resentment that impacts many areas of life.
Self-Imposed Anger: Directed towards the self, typically driven by guilt, shame, or harsh self-criticism.
If anger isn’t processed, it doesn’t disappear, it can manifest in other ways, including:
Persistent irritability or frustration.
Trouble concentrating.
Physical tension (headaches, tight jaw, digestive issues, high blood pressure).
Sleep difficulties.
Withdrawal from relationships or, conversely, constant conflict.
Depression and feelings of emptiness, sadness, or hopelessness.
Unresolved anger is often a symptom of other unresolved difficulties and experiences, for example:
Unmet needs in childhood (lack of safety, love, or validation).
Trauma or abuse (where anger became unsafe to express).
Unhealthy family dynamics (modelling of silence, suppression, or aggression).
Unprocessed grief or loss.
Social and cultural factors (stigma around expressing strong emotions, especially for men).
Unrealised hopes and disappointments in personal or professional life.
Healing unresolved anger isn’t about never being angry. Anger is an important expressive emotion but it’s important to learn to express it in healthy, empowering, non-destructive ways:
Awareness: Noticing when and where anger arises and documenting it through journaling can help make patterns visible.
Expression: Find safe ways to release anger by talking in therapy, through creative expression (writing, music, art), or physical activity.
Connection: Healthy relationships can provide grounding and opportunities to share feelings with trusted others rather than withdrawing.
Compassion: Learn to soften harsh self-criticism as anger often protects hidden vulnerabilities like fear or hurt.
Professional Support: Psychotherapy can help build awareness and understanding of anger, especially where trauma or complicated grief is involved.
Expressing anger is an important and normal aspect of emotional expression, but it must never be destructive or oppressive. Explored with care, in a safe therapeutic space, it can provide us with a better understanding of what matters most to us; our values, our boundaries, and our longing for respect and connection.
In the spirit of Intinnua, I see the acknowledgement and exploration of our anger as an opportunity to embrace a new mind, a new spirit, and a new way of being when we learn to listen to what our anger is trying to tell us, and respond with understanding and compassion.
Mind yourself.
Alan