Depression: The Weight We Don’t Always See
Depression is often imagined as deep sadness, someone crying, withdrawn, or unable to get out of bed. But many people who live with depression continue to function every day, while quietly carrying an invisible weight. They may smile, work, care for others, and appear okay on the surface, while internally struggling to find energy and willpower. Depression is not weakness. It is a complex human response to pain, loss, or disconnection, and one that deserves compassion.
Depression rarely comes from a single cause. Biological factors can include genetics, hormonal changes, chronic illness, or disrupted sleep patterns, while psychological and social factors often involve long-term stress, trauma, unresolved grief, or unmet emotional needs. Sometimes depression follows a specific event, a loss, retirement, relationship breakdown, while at other times it emerges gradually, with a slow ebbing of joy and motivation. It is the mind and body’s way of saying, “I can’t keep going like this”. While low mood and hopelessness are core symptoms of depression, it manifests in numerous subtle and surprising ways:
Emotional signs: tearfulness, irritability, numbness, guilt, or a sense of being “flat” or disconnected.
Cognitive changes: difficulty concentrating, overthinking, negative self-talk, indecision, or forgetfulness.
Physical symptoms: chronic fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, changes in appetite or sleep.
Behavioural shifts: withdrawing from others, loss of interest in hobbies, neglecting self-care, or turning to alcohol, food, or screens for relief.
Less recognised symptoms: restlessness, physical pain with no clear cause, perfectionism, or even high achievement masking internal despair.
For those who long to emerge from the heaviness of depression, feeling better is often both longed for and feared. The ache of depression can become strangely familiar, an uncomfortably comfortable space where expectations are few and vulnerability can feel contained. Reaching for help can feel like stepping into the unknown, risking disappointment, exposure, or change. Sometimes depression feels safer because it provides a sense of control over our circumstances. Acknowledging this paradox is vital. Healing won’t come from forcing ourselves out of depression, so it helps to understand the role it plays, and to slowly build safety for something new to emerge. Beginning with small, compassionate steps rather than major, unmanageable transformations, healing from depression is possible.
Therapeutic support like trauma-informed psychotherapy and counselling help to explore not just what’s wrong, but what happened and what’s needed now.
Lifestyle practices, including sleep, movement, nutrition, time in nature, creative expression, and meaningful connection, also play an important role in supporting the nervous system and rebuilding hope.
Medical treatments such as antidepressant medication can help restore balance and energy, especially when combined with therapy.
Self-compassion is perhaps the most healing practice of all, speaking to ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a friend or family member who is suffering.
Depression isn’t a personal failure. It is often the weight of unmet needs, untold stories, or unhealed wounds. And healing certainly isn’t about “snapping out of it,” but about slowly rebuilding strength, a new way of being where light and darkness can coexist.
Mind yourself.
Alan.