Feeling Stuck: When You Know What to Do, but Can’t Do It
There are times in life when, despite having good awareness about what needs to change for us, we somehow can’t seem to move forward. We might remonstrate with ourselves, telling ourselves to just get on with it, make the decision, take the step, send the message, end the relationship, start the new thing. Yet, we remain static, caught in a void between knowing and doing. That’s what it means to be stuck.
Being stuck isn’t simply about indecision or laziness. It’s an emotional state, often of ambivalence, fear, and inner conflict. In some ways it can feel like driving with the handbrake on; you can see the road ahead, but something is dragging you backwards. It can feel like being pulled in two different directions, one longing for change, and the other clinging to what feels safe or familiar. And often with a sense of procrastination, burnout, or emotional flatness, it can feel frustrating, shameful, or hopeless, as though you’ve lost touch with your own capacity to move.
There are many reasons why we get stuck. Some of the most common include:
Fear of loss or failure: Change involves risk and even when something isn’t working, our nervous system often prefers the known over the unknown.
Unprocessed emotions: Grief, anger, or trauma can often hold us in this stuckness until these feelings are safely acknowledged.
Conflicting values or loyalties: Sometimes, moving forward feels like betraying someone, a family expectation, a past version of ourselves, or a relationship dynamic that has defined us.
Overwhelm and fatigue: When life feels like too much, even small steps can seem impossible.
Perfectionism and self-doubt: A belief that we must get it right can make any first step feel too risky to take.
Being stuck is rarely about willpower. It’s more of a nervous system response, a coping strategy from a mind and body that doesn’t yet feel safe enough to take that initial step. But, when we remain stuck for too long, life starts to limit. We may lose confidence in our own choices, feel disconnected from our purpose, or drift from relationships that once mattered. In time, this can lead to anxiety, depression, and a pervading sense of monotony. And the longer we stay there, the more self-critical we can become, exacerbating the very stuckness we’re trying to escape.
Awareness is an important first step, but it isn’t always sufficient. You might already know exactly what needs to happen; to set a boundary, to leave a job, to start therapy, or even to forgive yourself, but awareness without movement can create a painful cycle of frustration and self-blame. It happens because insight lives in our thinking brain, while action often depends on the feeling brain. When those parts are disconnected, often due to stress, trauma, or fear, we can understand what’s needed but still feel frozen.
Becoming unstuck begins with self-compassion, curiosity and kindness, not force. Here are some ways to begin:
Acknowledge, don’t fight, the stuckness: Notice how it feels in your body. Is it tightness in the chest? A heaviness in the stomach? Naming it is the first step toward releasing it.
Slow down the noise: Journaling, mindfulness, or therapy can help bring clarity to what’s happening beneath the surface.
Identify the fear: Ask yourself what feels unsafe about moving forward?
Begin with one small step: Choose a movement so small it feels almost effortless. Tiny shifts re-train the nervous system to tolerate change.
Seek supportive connection: We move more easily when we are seen and understood. A trusted therapist can help explore the fears that keep you stuck.
Re-connect with meaning: Identify and acknowledge the things that are important to you; the kind of life that feels aligned with your deeper values, and let that awareness help gently ease you forward.
Being stuck isn’t failure, it’s simply your mind and body telling you that something inside needs attention before movement can safely happen. When we learn to listen to ourselves with compassion rather than judgement, we create space for new movement, new energy, and a new way of being.
Mind yourself.
Alan.